written 42 days ago

Swap; (btw, thanks for tha comment on my story :) )

Prologue;
-Can you hear me? **What? Sorry, stop mumbling...
Lol!
-your character has a really developed voice! i hate it when i try to read something and all the characters sound exactly the same

Chapter 1;

-i liked how the horse had an attitude ;)
-i like the way you formatted your story to fit the character's thinking patterns.
-sometimes i write to "keep my sanity" too

so far i really like it! keep going, your doing a really good job :)

written 85 days ago

this is good :) i like how her character didn't want to cut herself, and how you explained why that was and why she did it anyways. it puts a very interesting spin on her emotions and conscience. the one thing i'd suggest is that you don't tell us everything. my l.a teacher always says 'show don't tell', and so perhaps when you put it in book format, you could space out the reasons why she cut herself more. other than that, i think it's a really great start for a book! good job :)

written 85 days ago

i really like this! i never critique poems, because i myself am an awful poet, however from what i've read, i think you've put a lot of emotion into it and i like it. you did a good job :)

written 88 days ago

i only read the first story, but I like it! it's a really cool retelling of the beauty and the beast :) i liked how the monster planted a rose for every day that he loved his finace. i thought that was really sweet :)

written 90 days ago

woah. this is really, really good. so far, i've read three chapters, and I had to literally stop myself from continuing to read. i actually have no advice for you, which is rare, because usually i have some sort of advice, but i don't. this is really amazing. i loved the mother's character. she's insane and fickle, yet she is so shrewd. and it seems like she loves her daughters, but they are also tools to bind her to a family. i absolutely love it. keep going :)

written 92 days ago

i love it! a first, i thought this as going to be one of those cute-sy meaning of life novels that has long been replaced by vampire books in the young adult section. that was the exact phrase that went through my head. but it ISN'T! and I love it! you do a really good job of completely switching view points. writing from the point of view of more than one character is really hard, because you have to completely switch the voice you write in, and you did a really good job! this is really great, good work :)

written 92 days ago

I like it! honestly, at the begining, i thought it was going to be another one of those cute-sy meaning of life novels that has been replaced by the vampire books in the young adult section. honestly, that is the exact phase that went through my head. but it ISN'T and i LUV it! i'm very impressed with your ability to switch points of view so easily. its really hard to make characters sound different from each other when you have two points of views. good job :) on my picks :)

written 142 days ago

this is interesting. i like the idea that there is a place where time doesn't exist. it's a thought provoking idea. people always claim they want to live forever, but this really puts that idea into perspective. this book has a dark theme, but it fits well. your writing was fluid, not a word seemed to not fit. well done :)

written 142 days ago

this is good, my friend. this is very, VERY good. the plot's very original and I like your descriptions, very vivid. i laughed a bunch while reading this :) your writing just sort of 'flows' together. there aren't any out-of-place words or phrases. keep up the good work :)

written 149 days ago

interesting...are you writing more? Its a very original plot, and I'm officially hooked :) it isn't a predictable story, which is refreshing. i read a lot of stories where the same thing happens in every other story after the kid gets kidnapped, but this is different. good job :)

written 153 days ago

written 164 days ago

i love it!
the prologue was intriguing. i thought it was cool that the characters were on a roof. the first chapter was amazing! i laughed when i read 'the-awful-yellow-prison-bus'. my friend takes the bus and she hates it, too :) the ending of chapter 2 was my favorite part of what i've read thus far. 'I need to speak to your dog...' coming from leo, that's great! well done!

written 165 days ago

hello :) i just fixed the grammar mistakes and edited some things. there will be more soon :)

written 173 days ago

this is good :) i'm not a poet, so i don't like to give advice to poets who ask me to read there work, but form what i read, you have talent :) well done.

written 174 days ago

this is stunning. truly, i can't even put a smiley face on this because that wouldn't be formal enough. (and that's saying something, because i put smiley faces on a lot of stuff!) you are a better writer than a lot of published authors, and your language is beautiful. i like the title, too. it's intriguing and makes you want to read the story. well done!

written 174 days ago

lovely :) i don't give constructive criticism to poets because i'm not a very good poet myself, but i enjoyed it and it is very well written.

written 175 days ago

lol! i loved your last line! great job! i have a sister, too, so I know what it's like ;)

written 176 days ago

wow...
kevin, you did a fabulous job! your writing style was amazing! i loved the end of the first chapter, where you said 'the sides have been drawn, the players are prepared, thus rages the eternal war...' it's very dramatic. just the kind of thing you need to suck the reader in :) well done :)

written 198 days ago

this is really great :) i like your characters and descriptions, very vivid. my only suggestion would be to read aloud your dialogue and see if the words you emphasized are the ones you wanted emphasized, but so far it's great! keep up the good work :)

written 198 days ago

oh my gosh...

this story is really amazing. i mean really. you should publish this, no joke. well done, Kent.
i'm glad you found your guardian angel.