Book Jacket

Editors Picktop pick

Word Count

1968

Date submitted

01.08.2010

Date Updated

03.01.2010

Skip a Beat

by blond-but-black

ShortStory: Romance, General Fiction

It is crazy to love someone who hurts you. But it is even crazier to think someone who hurts you loves you.

Lizzie's life has changed exponentially since the death of her mother, and so has her father's. His life has become shallow and pointless, a life filled with beer and hate and drunkard bouts. Lizzie's life is a scared one, filled with misery and young love and physical abuse. She has always felt like she is trapped in someone else’s story, and when she finally finds a way out, it proves not as effective as she thought it would...

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dancergrl90

wrote 2 days ago

OMG!!! that was amazing! i didnt want it to end!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was love at first reading:)))

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*Amber*Raven*

wrote 3 days ago

ok, this is amazing! So well done! I'm in love! You have to keep me posted if it gets published!

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rainbowbug432

wrote 3 days ago

Wowzers. That's amazing. I almost feel like I was there. You should add more to it :)

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Kaerf

wrote 5 days ago

Nice. This sounds like a book I would love to read. It's intense, it gives you feeling. Almost as if you can go into Lizzie's life, right then. I can feel her pain, though. Anger, pain. It's very vivid. Nice work!

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savedbygrace

wrote 7 days ago

wow, what do i say to this. i can feel lizzies pain, hurt and anger, but also her sorrow, and her love. very well written. only someone who understands such pain can write about it as vividly as you did. good job!!!

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jocelynwashere

wrote 8 days ago

wow, intense.
i really like the way you wrote this.
i really felt the line," there is a sadness in his eyes i want to undo, a world i want to inhabit."
you're really talented.

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powerofthepengirl

wrote 10 days ago

I love the description in this story; I feel as though I'm with Lizzie and Corey and Lizzie's dad through the entire thing. I love it!

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Sarah Palmatory

wrote 11 days ago

This was really good. I enjoyed it so much.

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LibraryGal

wrote 11 days ago

This is an extremely powerful piece. You create some vivid and effective images and use language with a lyrical sensibility.

“feel his fingers on my mouth, taste the sweet rain that souses his skin”
“slammed against the fencing like a brick up a wall”
“strange thing is, after all he has done to me, I still love him.”
“Now the rain touches everything”
“heart is a bubble at the base of my throat.”
“... he is my gravity.”

Short, elegant and to the point. Lovely work. Good luck.

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missmar2110

wrote 11 days ago

I like the idea behind this and I like how you made the conflict so dramatic and real. Lizzie is a very realistic and relatable character. I do think, though, that you could've maybe gone into more detail about the good side of Lizzie and her father's relationship. You said there was love in there, but only the hurt really showed through. Mostly though, I really liked it. Good job.

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ikuandi

wrote 11 days ago

I love this its amazing.
i love the voice and the writing style and i truely love the character corey! hehehe
its brill nesh!

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L.C.Candle

wrote 12 days ago

Hey, alright. I love reading the before and after versions of stuff. And let me tell you-the revision is fantastic! I remember when this thing was just a little baby at rank 200 something. I should've kept it on my pick's list longer, my ranking would've gone through the roof, lol! It's so good to see you at the top. =)

I don't have any complaints on this. I love everything. The descriptions, the character interaction and voice, especially the power behind it all. The beginning and end of this piece are fantastic. Very stunning, very powerful. The changes you made really compliment the story a lot better and I think everything just flows very smoothly. Great job. Really. =)

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sweethang311

wrote 12 days ago

Once I read the prologue, I had to read the story! You have an amazing writing style and it felt very real. Great job!!

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LadyLionnir

wrote 12 days ago

You have such a unique style and I love the emotion behind this, it felt raw and real. The way you say things are original and new to me. Such as, the first sentence after the bold title: skip a beat. As soon as I read that, I was pulled in and couldn't stop reading. Great work! :) I also like how, in the prologue, you left the abuser nameless and left me curious. Keep writing!

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jessisay

wrote 13 days ago

if you're not too busy and have time, could you comment on any of my writing, especially my two books: "Miranda's Nightmare" and "Razor Burn"? I'd really appreciate any input you could give me. Your comments would mean lot!

Thank you,
Jessi

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dark-spicer

wrote 13 days ago

omg that is amazing i was sat there and it was so emotional that is incredible :)

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xxrosepetalx734

wrote 13 days ago

wow, this was amazing and so beautifully written!

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Greekgirl

wrote 13 days ago

Beautifully written

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aeroday12

wrote 13 days ago

this is stunning. it had me reading to the end, craving more. im not a huge fan of short stories, but im in love with this! if i were your english teacher, i'd give you an A++++++++++. fantastic!

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Grease~is~the~Word

wrote 13 days ago

Sorry to say this, but the way it ended was strange. What's with the framed? And I think it could have been longer. You could have drawn it out a bit more. Personally, there wasn't enough explaination on the facts you gave for me. But that's just my opion. Meh.

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Lonelygirl27

wrote 13 days ago

Wow, that was amazing!
It definetly left me wanting to read more!
And was very well written
:)

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caleigh rose

wrote 14 days ago

You turn this into a book, it's amazing. I rarely read short stories or books, mainly i read poems, but this caught my attention... It left wanting to know what happens next... Definately adding this to my picks.

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xXdamagedXx21

wrote 14 days ago

Woah, that is incredible!
I think you should write more for it!
:)
You have an amazing talent for writing that for sure.

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TomW

wrote 14 days ago

Suggested edits, most just personal opinion...

I wished I'D (or I HAD) believed him when he told me he loved me.

IN or AMID the river of my hair.

We sit for a while (leave out the "just").

Rollers bound? How about "unwind"?

I feel him staring at me - leave out the "can", I think.

I feel his breath, hot and desperate - same story.

softly mumbles - don't need the "softly", unless you think he can mumble loudly.

fingers lightly BRUSHING my wrist.

gently caresses - lose the "gently", caresses implies a gentle touch.

...I've just been caught - don't need the "just" (I think I'm repeating myself from a few days ago??)

It happened last Tuesday. I was in the garden with my dad. (loses one "was".)

body SLAMMED against the fencing.

spews out in a stream, like vomit - lose the last two words, you're just spelling out the metaphor.

...he says defiantly - don't need this: the words and the exclamation mark tell us, already.

I scoff - don't need this, either - the words show us the scoffing.

I still don't think cig smoke would tumble...

his head in his hands - try "face" instead of "head", otherwise it sounds like a disembodied head...

Evening ocean tends to darken (or turn orange with sunset). Maybe midday ocean?

"grisly" - is this the word you want for rain?

softly approach - not sure "softly" is appropriate for sirens.

Is this mean to end at "frames"?

heart's content - note apostrophe, although a cliche worth rewording.














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rachelstarre

wrote 14 days ago

and frames what?! this is soooo good! do you think you'd be interested in a story that I'm developing called Breathless? I tiny part of it is already on here, but when I get more up, could you look at it? Really great story! Going on my picks list!

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Valentina Herrera

wrote 15 days ago

Omigod. I loved it! Is it a book? But the word count was too low? I want more! And, I agree with many people that have commented: you write very well. Your style of writing is great. You really put that image in the reader's head.

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turquoise raven

wrote 15 days ago

Oh my gosh, I love this. The way you phrase things is amazing! "I want to stamp a kiss in the centre of his palm" (and that whole paragraph.) Your imagery is awesome. Is this finished because this should definitely be continued. Definitely a pick!

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patchy_luvr26

wrote 15 days ago

This was an amazing story. I really love the storyline and the thought you put into it. If you can do that with a short story, what can you do with a full on book! Good Job! Keep up the good work!

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m-roc23

wrote 15 days ago

Wow, this is really well written. It feels like so much happened in so few words. Amazing imagery and descriptions. I definitely didn't see the end panning out that way either. Great job.

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AllyLeian

wrote 16 days ago

I love this! You need to turn it into a book. ^_^

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loveexodianna

wrote 16 days ago

Amazing! Left me speechless!
I wasn't expecting the ending at all, which made this story even more interesting.
Overall, awesome!

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Rebekah

wrote 16 days ago

Speechless.
Your writing took me to another world and that's exactly what it should do!
I felt what your characters did, and the stortline was so different, i love it!
x

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ladya1996

wrote 16 days ago

speechless!!!!!

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Leah Hunnter

wrote 17 days ago

Wow. Just--Ugh. You have me speechless. This was... amazing. Captivating. Your writing style had me taken from the first sentence, and I was completely hooked.

The ending was comepletely... Phenominal. I don't think I expected that, but it was just the perfect end... However sad, or maybe even a little sadistic.

I didn;t notice any mistakes, but the one thing I would have changed was that you used apostrophes ( ' ) instead of quotation marks ( " ) When someone speaks. It's a small thing though, and doesn't take away from the essence of its awesomeness at all :)

I could go on for ages, but I'd run out of syneynoms for "Awesome," So I'll end it here. By the way, I know lots of people have told you this, but you should really write up a background and make this a real book. I would buy it!

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sara4beck

wrote 17 days ago

I luvv this story! I really think you should develop it into a book! That would be AWESOME. I love the mystery at the beginning when you know there's something else Lizzie is hiding but you don't exactly know what it is.

Great job!!!! 6 stars out of five!

$ara
p.s. Don't forget mine!!

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xxTokyoxx

wrote 17 days ago

wow.that was amazing.Loved it!

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Tom Turner

wrote 18 days ago

This story has a wonderful tension throughout... and one of the greatest opening sentences I've seen on this site. I'll message you a couple of specific comments. This is going in my pick list.

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woahkayitslauren

wrote 18 days ago

okay, i'll admit, at first i was like 'oh here we go again with the loving-the-best-friend-thing again" but then i kept reading, and oh. my. god.

this is insane.
seriously, write more.
i was so disappointed when it ended :(

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NeonGreenConverseFanatic

wrote 18 days ago

I absolutely love it!! you need to continue writing it!!! please? it is so detailed, i can feel the emotion behind it. very well done. keep writing.
4 1/2 stars.
-Jackie:)

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ShekinahGlory

wrote 18 days ago

I love the story! I think you should write more story behind it, PEEZE! That's how much I love it! I want to know more of her history, and what happens next, do the cops find out about the killing? Does Corey really know? THE SUSPENSE! LOL you're a VERY good writer! I don't think I have any criticism, maybe a few spelling errors, I don't know. Sorry I don't have much more to say, I'm quite young and new to writing! :D

~ShekinahGlory

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theuntoldsitcom

wrote 18 days ago

i like this you should write more :DDD its so hmm wahts the word AWESOMELY written i love it :DDD
Ciao -eggs

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TwistofFate

wrote 18 days ago

this is great.. too bad its just a short story... i would loved to read some more!

but the.. "secret love for the bestfriend" is kinda getting old :D but so far so good

my rate: A

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Stephanie87

wrote 18 days ago

I remember reading this when I first signed up for Ink pop. I Don't remember if I have commented yet. I really like it, its a lot better writing then mine, you even have the passion of writing input. I like it, and hope I can do that someday.

Keep writing some more, whether you ad more to this or write another book/short story. I look forwards to reading it.

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taylorshane3928

wrote 19 days ago

im not really into stories that have happily ever after, so i really liked this story.
I saw a few minor typos for example... you put a comma after the word vertebrates, and it should be period.
i got your emial and
I'll put this story on my top five
please read a mans forte.

after reading this, i think it will definently be your type of book

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x0niccx3

wrote 19 days ago

Oh my God!!!!!!!!!! This is, like, one of the best if not THE best story I've read on here! It held my interest the entire time! I totally was NOT expecting the fact that she killed her dad. I was confused at first when you were talking about the new piece of furniture. I was like, what is that? I can't figure it out. And then I was like OH MY GOD HER DAD?!?! Seriously incredible job! Onto my picks list it goes once space clears up :)
-nicole :)

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Saya

wrote 19 days ago

I loved every second of this story. I could not stop reading it! I'll be looking forward to reading more of your stories in the future!!

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AlliBee

wrote 19 days ago

Oh. My. Gosh!!!!! This is an spectacular story. It's dark, mysterious, and captures you until the very end. This is going on my picks, because I can't believe that kids can write this good.

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ajimenez9317

wrote 20 days ago

Amazing story! I like the way that you get yourself into the story,that way it's more personal...

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J.D. Michael

wrote 20 days ago

An amazing close to very worth-while story. I really enjoyed. Great Job.

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inkmuse

wrote 20 days ago

I'm not a big fan of present tense, but i found this to be extremely well written. You know how to WRITE, and now only that, it's a good story. You use the senses well and your character has a lot of personality. Your grammar and punctuation seem spot on to me also. I know some people think that stuff isn't important, but it IS. Editors don't want to fix 50,000 grammar and punctuation problems that the writer shouldn't have made in the first time. Many times they will cast aside a perfectly good STORY because of something like punctuation. Having a handle on this is important and will give you the leg up on the desk this month.
Shelved.
xBeccaX
The First Phoenix

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