Book Jacket

Rank 87 (+650)

Word Count

62673

Date submitted

01.24.2010

Date Updated

03.08.2010

Ashes

by silverherring

Book: General Fiction, Adventure, Romance

Ella's cousin is a gang leader. She hates him for it. But when she is sucked into his gang, she must question right and wrong.

Ella Murray has never challenged the rules. She understands the difference between right and wrong. And if there's one thing she knows for sure, her cousin Alex is doing things that are WAY in the "wrong" column. He's the leader of a gang called the Ashes. He drinks. Every few years, he shows up at her grandparents' house, where she lives, and forces his family to take him in.

But when Ella exchanges her new boyfriend's life for her service in the Ashes, she is forced to reassess her opinion of Alex's misdeeds. The gang members she meets are hardly thugs, and she even finds friends among the criminals. As her normal life pales compared to the vibrant excitement of the gang, she wonders if maybe, just maybe, the world needs rule breakers after all...

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plutoisaplanet

wrote 1 day ago

oh my gosh!!!!! major cliffhanger at the end of chapter 23 has my heart pounding!!!!!!! please please keep writing!!!! i'm addicted now!!! you are such a talented writer :)

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GirlInTheBeanie

wrote 1 day ago

...more? =.=

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bookworm2

wrote 2 days ago

this is so good. it's such a good plot and it's funny too. i really like Ella and Nathan; i think they're very funny. i even admire Christyand Miranda at times.

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geekygirl

wrote 3 days ago

I'm offiacaially addicted ! Going on my picks asap !

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simply.sabrina

wrote 3 days ago

Oh my goodness, this is amazing! The plot is so engrossing, I could not stop reading! PLEASE update this, I NEED to know how it ends!

One quick note, in chapter 7 it says she trained till 8, but then she says it is 7:30...

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CRAZY1568

wrote 3 days ago

I really love this book please update soon i have to fined out how it ends

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xXhootXx

wrote 3 days ago

Wow! I really like this! The action immediately blossomed. I finished the first chapter and I am very INTRIGUED! I can sense the unrest in the character: " 'By the way...I'm not insane.' " (Maybe I am reading it wrong! I suck at interpretation.) I will definitely be going back to this story! For now, watch list time! (:

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kevinwong_HoD

wrote 4 days ago

My goodness, this is such an original story! And it is very mature, gritty, and I am amazed that a writer as young as yourself developed this tale. It is remarkable! Your title and pitch reads very well, and your writing is smooth. I am proud to pick your book for my list! Please keep up this great work! :-)

Your fellow writer and friend in Canada,

Kevin Wong
Author of Heroes of Destiny

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plutoisaplanet

wrote 4 days ago

this is incredible!!!! i love love your style and description!!! you make everything so real :) keep writing, this is great!!!!

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Ummyeahh

wrote 4 days ago

ahh,
world of warcraft. lol. that made me laugh.
i love her friends. they're hilariouss :]
just finished the first chapter, i'm starting the second. so far, so good(:

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Cassie Green

wrote 4 days ago

Interesting.
Good job!
:)
Comment on my work?
Thanks!
-Cassie

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iwillbeyoursky

wrote 7 days ago

alright i have only read to about chapter 3 so far.
However, i find it to be interesting.
Its a creative idea for a book.
I like the last line of the prologue. :]
as i read more i will let you know what i think.
<3Skye

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Cato077

wrote 8 days ago

hey miss model. I finished chapter 4. The first chapter just drew me in. I really enjoy those chapters, with hitmen, secret societies and assasinations. I see alot of promise in your work and this is going in to my watch list until a spot opens. Good work

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Insane Wolf

wrote 10 days ago

Awesome! I wont say much so I dont ruin it for some people, but I love her speech! Its amazing and the begining of the chapter is such a sad moment! Poor Griffin! But it was an awesome chapter! I dont know if you just plan to go through when its all finished but and fix the mistakes or not, but when you wrote 'We will notorious" you forgot the "be" in there!

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Shadows

wrote 12 days ago

Just finished the prologue, you did a nice job with the methological approach to breaking into someone's house...although the steaks for the dogs were a bit cliche' (and probably unrealistic)

The story itself is a interesting. The concept is intriguing, and it's executed well, but I really don't think that kind of crime drama really fits. Killing someone for revenge may be badass, but killing a defensless person in their own bed I find low, especially for a protagonist.

Good work none the less!

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Tracy McCarthy

wrote 14 days ago

Switzerland would snap their teeth at you. LOL. Your writing is exceptional. The premise is fantastic. I skimmed the prologue because I keep hearing how no one wants prologues. Your chapter one has plenty of hooks on its own without it. Both ways though, are excellent. I found the relative normalcy of the friends and conversations very intriguing since I knew what your pitch suggested. Your dialogue is effortless and flows seamlessly.
Great work every which way I turn.
Will be picked.
Tracy

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 15 days ago

Straight way - love the cover.

Prologue work's well. Love the way it ended.

I think maybe my father didn;t put up much of a fight.

I hate soggy cereal too. I started feeling a bit bogged down in background by the end of chapter one - especially after the fast-paced action of the prologue. But I am going to keep reading this (it is late here and I still have some revision work to do) as I want to see where this is heading.

Looked at the next chapter. Still a good story...perhaps a bit too much dialogue at times.

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Nevermind

wrote 16 days ago

Great new chapter. I like the foreboding, it's like something in a movie. Only thing is, that Griffin's tears seem a little too easy coming. Yeah I know how messed up she is, but she doesn't seem like the type to break down like that, and immediately pull it back together. It;s eitehr all together or it's all apart. Idk, just my opinion.

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orion

wrote 17 days ago

"I overslept."
"What, in a blender?" Love your humor. : )

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orion

wrote 17 days ago

Frankenjeep hahahahaha. Your narrator's attitude is just plain awesome. You characterize her so well.

My only suggestion is to cut out some of the...erm...stuff that can be cut out (yes, yes, my eloquence is astounding). You know, like the part about department versus designer dress shopping? You can just say they headed straight for the dresses. Some of that is really cute, like the minivan bit, but some of feels unnecessary. Not that it's a major problem or anything. : ) The story is very enjoyable.

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orion

wrote 17 days ago

Picked from the prologue alone, and I can't wait to read more (the school firewall is wierd so it won't let me pick it this minute but I will when I get home).
This is so much fun (oh dear, do I sound like a sociopath, saying people getting shot is fun?). No, but seriously, I love the whole creeping around bit and all the details about their entrance, such as the super-sensitive lights that come on even for the dogs. You characterized the target so well just by describing her house, security systems, and posters. Love it.

(By the way, I very much feel that there should be a pun on "stakeout" at the bit at the start, since the word "steak" follows it so quickly...hahaha. Sorry. It would kind of ruin the atmosphere, huh?)

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colleeniebeanie

wrote 18 days ago

I like the new cover! :)

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Cam_Y

wrote 19 days ago

As I said, I'd be back, and have read a few more chapters XD I just remembered one of my friends was called Ella Murray, and she sounds very similar to the one in here, which is pretty interesting ahaa.
The following chapters are completely different, but you apply your style to them really well too. Kept me intrigued all the way - loving the characters. They're really realistic, and there's some good humour in here too! (: Great work up to now!

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Failure Of Imagination

wrote 19 days ago

Props to you, girl!

I cannot believe this, the plot is very original and refreshing, the wording is great...

haha, what am I saying? you don't need anything from me!

picks!

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MPantaleao

wrote 19 days ago

I like this :) You set the scene well and have fantastic pacing. I like the way you described everything in the opening scene--it really get the 'all business, no nonsense' way they're breaking in across to the reader.
Good job!
~M

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brokenbone95

wrote 20 days ago

This is really good, and you definatly have a talent for writing. I also like the whole plot, because its different. Its not something that you would normally think to write about. Good work. :)

~Savannah~

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Cam_Y

wrote 20 days ago

There is a lot of talent in this writing - it all flows so well and if flawless grammar-wise (well chapter 1 anyway)
You've got a great style that works well for the YA target audience, not too descriptive, not too simple. As for the plot, well, it sounds really original, and is also the reason i started reading XD
Just minor things I wanted to point out -
'The one called Hatchet' sounds a bit . . . I don't know, uneccessary? 'Hatchet' would do just fine. 'The one' doesn't really enlighten the reader further and so is kind of just, you know, in there. But as I said, minor, and probably just me being annoying and nit-picking 'cause it's all so great :P
Also, many of your sentence open with pronouns. Maybe try varying a little, jiggling the sentences around, try put a verb or adjective at the beginning, etc.
EG. She looked through her mask at the woman lying across the bed ------> Peering through her mask, she kept her eyes fixed on the woman lying across the bed.
Just an idea, but I think you get my gist (:
Apart from those little things, this was really some great stuff, so keep at it! I'll probably be back for more soon (:

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Insane Wolf

wrote 20 days ago

Gahhhhhhh! I think I already commented on this chapter, but it is an awesome chapter! But YOU MUST update soon! I check this story every day for an update! I'm going MAD!! Please!!

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cara_ruegg

wrote 22 days ago

i really liked the beginning of chapter one with the alarm clock going off. man just like my morning, as i slam it off and be all lazy about it haha. :p she sounds just like me in the mornings. man i am so not a morning person! "perfect would be boring" how true is that? really liking your voice. and the last sentence to ch 1 was killer. a great hooK! will add this to my picks and will be reading o n.

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XsilverXdeathX

wrote 25 days ago

Amazing. It captured my attention right away. Very good writing and descriptions. Going on my picks right away! Cant wait for more!!

~Nikole ~ XsilverXdeathX ~

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fadinglights152

wrote 26 days ago

Wow, I've only read the prologue and I can tell you that it's definitely pulling me in already. This sounds like the type of novels I love to read and I can't wait until I have more time to read it and review it more in depth.
~fading~

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tennisketter

wrote 26 days ago

Wow, I read the prologue and the first two chapters, and I can honestly say, this is probably one of my favorite stories here. I love this!

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WolfHeart93

wrote 27 days ago

this is really good and i really liked it! wonderful job!

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Dain Broadbent

wrote 27 days ago

The prologue was excellent. You can tell (from both the prologue and the first chapter) that you are a very intelligent person, and your syntax is very nice. I agree with something said below, about the juxtaposition of the prologue and the first chapter.

It is, in a word, abrupt. Although Ella is an interesting character, her normal teenaged world, narrated by a normal teenaged girl, is no match for the prologue. It's hard to keep everything so breakneck as a robbery and murder, and I completely understand that. Yet, the first chapter seems to have nothing to say except to profile certain characters and introduce the reader to Ella's world. I feel that perhaps the prologue doesn't fit, or at least is not a very strategic maneuver, because it picks the reader up and chases them, shoots them dead, and drops them into teenaged suburbia, where we have all lived and have no desire continuing to live in.

Other than that, I love your writing style, specifically the prologue, your "action sequence", so to speak. Like I said, it's very intelligent, with a chilling, mysterious character and realistic actions. Of course, this is all coming from just the first chapter and the prologue, but I'm definitely interested enough to continue reading.

Best,
Dain

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L.C.Candle

wrote 27 days ago

Good prologue. really liked it. Got the reader interested, snagged us up right quick. I saw someone's comment saying that it was kind of cliche to open the story with her waking up, but hey kinda works since the prologue was at night. Good story, I like your interaction. =)

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LaVieEnRose

wrote 27 days ago

This is a great idea for a story. At first I was just going to skim it but then I was like, oh this is actually good!
You have a good strong writing style! This is a good opening scene, very intense.
Good job :)

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_kris10

wrote 27 days ago

Right off, I would recommend not beginning the story right as the protagonist is waking up. If it were a later chapter, it would okay, but since this is chapter one, I'd suggest taking it out. Writing professors I've had would always tell us that is a cliché way to start a story, and usually, editors will frown on that.

The story is very solid from what I can see. Ella is a great narrator, and the dialogue was not too banal. You also have a great, original concept, which is even better, of course. To be honest, there wasn't much in the first chapter to keep one interested, but when the story picked up in the second chapter, there was enough to keep attention.

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Broadway Baby

wrote 27 days ago

You have a very, very strong prologue. However, I felt like I lost interest after that. The reader is all ready for this to be an action-packed story about thieves and murderers, but then we get pitched into Ella's mundane world. The juxtaposition is a bit abrupt.

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Amanda Storey

wrote 28 days ago

This is so cool! Such a unique concept; I haven't read anything like this before. It got my heart pounding in the first few paragraphs of the prologue. Great work!

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Skyler

wrote 28 days ago

Ok i know it took me long enough, but i finally finished reading all that you have posted! Your work is faboulous. I love how you really get into the emotions of your character, your plot line really drew me in. Great Job!!

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rainshadow

wrote 31 days ago

This is amazing. I cannot find one fault. And for that, this is on my picks.
Happy writing,
rainshadow

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Insane Wolf

wrote 31 days ago

Awesome chapter! But the diary is a little long, but its also giving the info that you need, so thats fine. Griffin doesnt really care about her writing i think with her character, but then again this is important to her so she might put more details in than most of the time. Wonderful chapter!!!

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Nevermind

wrote 31 days ago

"The boat capsized." Ryan admitted.
"WIth a little help." I admitted.

Too much admitting, here. Also, Mom is not the least bit worried about leaving her teenage son alone with his girlfriend why? Just seems out of character. She should embarrass him. :D

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Vargot

wrote 32 days ago

I picked this the other day because it drawed me in so quickly. It was something that I hadn't seen on inkpop and that's always a good thing. It's very addictive and the character development is awesome. Great job and good luck with this!

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Sammi207

wrote 32 days ago

I like this. It's really good. In fact, I sat down and expected to only read a few of the chapters, but I actually went through and read all of it, lol.
My only critique? On the last chapter, the diary entry is almost too detailed. It is, after all, a diary--but it's written perfectly and the description is like that of a book. It was written by someone who's relatively young and who hasn't spent hours and hours trying to become an author. (Ahem.) It's good but I think that it needs to be dulled down a little.
All in all, though, good. :)

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DD

wrote 32 days ago

picked

been reading it bit by bit and it is definitely addictive
i love the characters and their interaction

i didn't find errors just my own little nit picks but there only my preferences so i haven't mentioned them

excellent work
be back as soon as you've posted more
d;

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Shauna Houser

wrote 32 days ago

This is a fantastic story. Your characters are so well-developed. I love the bantering Ella and all her friends do, and Alex is a suitably creepy guy. Your storytelling is excellent. The prologue hooked me and drew me right in, and even though not much has happened as of yet (I've only read to chapter four), I don't feel the story is dragging at all.

Very excellently written.

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gogreen420

wrote 33 days ago

This was absolutely AMAZING!!! I loved all of your characters and I can't wait for you to finish!!!!! You're a very wonderful author. Your writing style is exquisite! Ella has to be one of my favorite characters ever!

~Green

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Carter Storm

wrote 33 days ago

i finished the prologue and chapters 1&2, and might i say - you have a way with words. The way they play against each other made me feel as if i was standing right beside Ella throughout the story.
And that, my friend, is an amazing feat. (not feet, FEAT. hehe)
--yours truly--> Carter Storm

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Sullen Doe

wrote 33 days ago

I've read the first two chapters and the prologue. The descriptions were superb, I was practically there in your story. The prologue is brilliant overall, introducing action, suspense and a sense of mystery so that it certainly catches the eye of your reader. Chapter 1 is great in terms of character development. Ella truly has a voice of her own, and her personality shines through your writing. I love her sarcasm, and the tension between her cousin Alex and her was portrayed so well. The dialogue in this story is amazing, it makes me laugh and smile. There's a couple of typos, but the writing is nearly flawless, and the story is itself stands out. This is definitely going on my picks!

Review back and read//pick my story Secretly Fallen
--Doe

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