Book Jacket

Rank 421 (-36)

Word Count

10121

Date submitted

01.30.2010

Date Updated

02.02.2010

Illusion Chronicles: Mystic

by Olivia M. Rose

Book: Science Fiction/Fantasy, Adventure, General Fiction

The transformation from a human to a faerie was harder than Sierra-lin ever thought it would be.

Ten-year-old Sierra-lin was expecting her summer to be boring. When she discovers a meadow that never used to exist before it drives her insane to the point where she sneaks out of her grandparent's house in the middle of the night to explore it. What she finds changes her forever. Instead of being in the meadow, she is transported to a different world entirely, one filled with magic, faeries, dragons, strange creatures, and an adventure of a lifetime. The longer she stays, the more it draws her in, until she almost completely forgets her former life. Will she ever find her way back home?

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angelscarlet

wrote 33 days ago

Once again Olivia, I am hooked!! I love this story just like I love the Thirteenth Olympian!! It's great. Though silverlining does have a point with the dialogue..it seems just a tad bit flat. I would love to see you put more personality into Sierra-lin's voice. She seems to just say things. Sierra-lin's little sister seems a lot more dynamic than Sierra herself. I'm reading on and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond!!

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silverlining

wrote 34 days ago

I really enjoyed this, but I think your dialogue needs a little work. The narrating is good, but when your characters talk, they just talk. None of them seem to have a certain style of talking [if you know what I mean?]. I think that if you add a bit of distinction between your characters, it'll definitely be better. I love your storyline though. Let me know when you add more!

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Carter Storm

wrote 38 days ago

I liked his book, i really did! I'm eager to learn more about the meadow and what not..However, I always try to leave some bit of Constructive Critisism. But the only thing i can think of his your characters. It might just be me, but to me the characters have no "spark" that sets them off from each other , meaning, they all act the same and I keep getting them confused. This is a really good idea and I can't wait to read more!
--yours truly--> Carter Storm

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maria-chan

wrote 38 days ago

: ] that ending to chapter one was nice! I'm definitely reading on! One nitpick though: the dialogue beween your characters seemed a little dead. >< please dont get mad at me for giving constructive criticism, I'm only trying to help you out. Just try to make the words a little more lively, like add actions after someone talks, for example:
"Just promise."
"Fine, I promise." said Sierra-lin. She rolled her eyes; no one saw her fingers crossed behind her back.

Or, try to add some more personality into it, cause right now it seems like everyone talks the same way and eventually that gets sort of boring. You were sort of on the verge of infodumping a bit, too. ^-^ but that's fine, detail is a good thing. :D I'm definitely reading on! The concept is pretty interesting.

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C. D. Verhoff

wrote 39 days ago

I'm all about the first chapter and you nailed it, Olivia. You have an endearing young protagonist and you've wonderfully reflected the mindset of a ten year old girl. Even Skippy the Dog makes for a fun secondary character. Also, you didn't wait to deliver the hook and a hint at the conflict, capturing the reader's imagination right away with the meadow where the brick wall should be. It's the first chapter, first page really, that will get a manuscript rejected. Few agents read beyond that before sending a query back to the author with a big fat THIS IS NOT RIGHT FOR US. You have an instinct for setting up the book in the first chapter, which isn't easy to acquire. Happy to place this on my picks.

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Author S M Johnston

wrote 39 days ago

This was a fantastic story. Loved the concept, the writing flowed so well. You have captured her age beautifully and yet not dumbed it down for the audience, which is sssooo important.

Keep it up!!

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Amendris

wrote 40 days ago

I love your descriptions, they are so vivid and real. I also love how you used such a young lead character, and how you are so true to the limitations and thinking process of a kid her age :)

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Illuminate

wrote 40 days ago

This is a lovely story so far. Full of mythology and magic. I really like this, well done. One thing I could CC is that you use the name Sierra-lin far too often- it's a bit of a mouthful, so I would suggest a nickname that could be used instead. Anyway, well done!

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oh the irony

wrote 40 days ago

Wow.
Just.
Wow.
I love me some faerie stories but this topped the list! Of what I've read so far, I love it :D!
I'll come back later and finish reading <3

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darkestlight

wrote 40 days ago

I thought you did a wonderful job writing this book. I liked that you provided us with a pronunciation guide to your characters name. It makes your characters seem more real for us. And I loved how unique and creative the names are. I thought that you were very descriptive in your writing. I could imagine how your characters look. I could also picture what is happening to your characters as clearly as if I were there. I also liked how you show your characters interact with one another. The dialogues seem to give life to your characters. It seemed very realistic to me even though occasionally it can be a little abrupt. I definitely recommend trying to make the sentences flow a little better.

I thought your plot was very interesting. It definitely has a lot of potential. You're very descriptive which makes it easy for readers to imagine every detail in the surroundings and settings. Your characters seem very well developed. Your style of writing is unique and easy to follow and read. I definitely enjoyed reading it. I loved the imageries that you used in your story. You have me hooked. And I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Overall, I liked that you were descriptive. You had very nice vivid imageries. I loved your characters' names and their personalities. Your dialogues allowed us to see how your characters interact with one another. But I did think that sometimes the sentences didn't flow too well. I would work on making your words flow a little better. Other than that, you did a fantastic job writing this story. Keep up the good work

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AriannaR

wrote 40 days ago

Chapter 3: imagrey is getting better and better. and though still choppy, ur dialogue is getting better too. im just seeing such little charachter development! eeek! ik 3rd person makes charchterization hard, but u gotta work at it!!!!! itll make ur story soooo much better

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AriannaR

wrote 41 days ago

Chapter two: Your imagrey is rly good here. I could c her dress and the meadow. but ur dialogue is kinda choppy, which u can easily fix! And caswin: is it important tht shes a princess? is she like the crown princess?
I love the world tht ur making here. its lovley with all of the clothes made out of leaves and the random necklaces popping up out of the blue. and speaking of random necklaces, why did she put it on? was she compelled? cos wen i find jewlry on the ground i dont put it on.

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AriannaR

wrote 41 days ago

Chapter 1: okay before I start on the actual story, i have 2 things to say. 1: WOOHOO first commenter! and 2: great creativity with ur names dude!
so anyways....
Charachters: Im just not getting Sierra-lin's personality. sure shes bummed bout being with her garandrents, but so would any othr normal kid. so thts not rlly clueing me in on her. the only thing is she acts a lil like a teen. but shes ten... make her older maybe?
Hook: It's prty good, but it wasn t there till the end of the chapter. u need to draw me in iwt ur first SENTENCE dude. lol
Oh anbd btw, Sierra-lin is a choppy name. just plz call her sierra fer short. and yay u called it the illusion chronicles!

ps this is all just constuctive. i rly like it, im just pointing out stuff tht can make it btr

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